The Lost Art of Conversation
The Sassnistas of Sasstopia Finishing attending their etiquette classes.
The Lost Art of Conversation
Rekindling the elegance of human connection.
Nothing irritates me more than a rude person. I don’t like when people monopolize conversations. I don’t like when I ask an employee a question in <insert any store> and they act like I’m bothering them. I hate walking past someone in the hallway and they barely look up or over to speak. I just don’t like it. It feels like people lost the art of conversation.
You can blame my mother for this disposition. My mother is a modern-day Emily Post. Growing up, she always said things like, “Make sure you speak to so-and-so. Did you send a thank-note? Never show up to someone’s house empty-handed.” She’s always been so polite, so respectful and so kind. I’ve seen her be nice to so many people that didn’t deserve her kindness. Like, “Ma’am! Why are you so nice?”
Some people think it’s cute to be standoffish or rude when someone is trying to talk to them or get to know them. Maybe when you are a child. But as an adult, it’s not cute. When people choose not to engage in conversation, it tells me everything I need to know. I’m not going to invest my time or energy trying to get to know you. People are not going to invest their time or energy to get to know someone that is rude or standoffish. Now let me be clear, I’m not talking about people with developmental challenges or mental health issues. I’m talking about the average able-bodied person.
I feel like social media has also made social interactions a lost art. You ever go out and see people, clearly on a date, spend more time on their phones than talking to each other? You ever go out with friends and all of you are on your phones? If I was going to scroll online, take selfies, then maybe I should just stay at home. Do you see how vile people treat each other online? I never think to be mean or cruel to someone who posted something that I don’t agree with. I just won’t engage. And I really hate when you respectfully disagree with a content creator and they feel compelled to read you to filth.
Social media has given people permission to act and behave with reckless abandon without realizing that there are social norms. In other words, there are written and unwritten rules of how we engage in any society. It’s mostly common sense. We may not like our bosses, our neighbors or politicians. That is just life. We all need tools to help us navigate the things that we don’t like or challenge us to see things differently if we want to show up fully for ourselves.
And here’s the thing: being a good conversationalist is not just the right thing to do. Being able to have a conversation with others is good for your life and your career. No one is saying that you should walk around with a permanent smile on your face or always have a sunny disposition. That is not realistic. But if you have any ambition to grow in any career or business and feel like you haven’t fully achieved your goals, how you interact with others may be one cause. You’re not going to get promoted if you just come to work, speak to no one, and then go back home. Sure, you might do a great job, but can you interact with diverse people? Are you able to build good relationships and work well with others? These are things you must consider.
What about new friends? Did you move to a new city? Are you interested in exploring new hobbies? It’s helpful to know how to talk to others in new situations. So how do you bring back the lost art of conversation?
Become an interesting person. Explore some of the things that interest you or spark your curiosity. For example, you love fashion? Explore up-and-coming designers. Subscribe to fashion publications. Permission to go down the rabbit hole!
Listen to diverse perspectives. In this social media era, it is easy to exist in an echo chamber. Sometimes, it’s helpful to go outside of the usual news or content you consume to hear what different people have to say. While it may not change your opinion, it can help you see things through the lens of others.
Keep up with current events – all kinds. Keep up with what’s happening in your community, country and across the globe. We are a globally connected society and there’s a lot going on across the world that directly impacts our daily lives.
Practice having conversations. Whether you do it with friends, family or in the mirror, it is important to act out how you might respond to things. Just like you practice for an interview, practice how you might talk to new people.
Be polite. A simple “hello”, “thank you” or “goodbye” goes a long way.
We are in the age of respectability politics where people don’t like how others moderate our behavior. I get it. It doesn’t mean that you have the right to treat others without regard to the same dignity and respect that you demand as well as deserve. We live in a fast-moving, highly polarized society. We have to learn how to treat each other with a little bit more respect.
Want to sharpen your conversation skills? Check out the Uncomfortable Conversations mini-guide to help you navigate contentious conversations with clarity. Curious about the story behind the story? Check out my latest Hustle Rewritten Substack, I Hate That Everyone Hates Each Other, for real talk. Explore the world of Sassy | Chic | Geek, check out our content here on Substack, on YouTube and Pinterest. We occasionally post on IG and Facebook, too.